Sleep!

I have insomnia, I've had it since I was in highschool.  I've tried over the counter meds, Ambian, Resterol, no caffiene (I don't even drink coffee!), relaxing baths, any & everything you can think of.  Nothing works for me!  At least once, sometimes twice a week I don't sleep at all and I go to bed anywhere between 3 AM to 8 AM.  Most people think it's so simple: just go to bed earlier, get up early the nexy day & your body will be on a schedule.  That shit does not work, case and point I can go without sleeping at all and the following night I still will not be able to go to sleep until 2, 3 in the morning.  I want to be able to go to bed like a normal person and get up like a normal person!!  Having insomina totally saps my energy and I hate it.  I've talked to my doctor about this several times and he just keeps putting my on different meds but they only help for a short period of time and then not so much.  I'm really getting pretty desperate now, I'd try almost anything to get this under control.  But for now I will just continue blogging at 3:15 AM and boring you all with my problems. 
So Ashleigh and I have gone a whole day without having a huge fight, yay for that small victory.  She went out alone last night to the club, she had a show and I was sick so I wasn't really up to going.  They just happened to be having Girls Gone Wild that night, oh I know I was really loving that.  I only texted her like a hundred times...ok maybe only like 20/30 but it nonetheless I wasn't too happy.  It's not that I'm a super jealous person or that I don't trust her it's just that I know for some odd reason when she goes out without me she has an awesome time and also some crazy shit usually goes down.  When we go out together to stuff like this she seems miserable the entire time and is always ready to just leave.  When I mentioned this to her last night she said "guys" can't have fun with their girlfriends at clubs because they're to worried about other guys talking to them.  I think that was a bullshit excuse, I don't know why she feels like she can't let loose when she's with me.  It's like she feels like she has to be one person with and one person with everyone else.  I don't like that and I don't want her to do that.  It's like I get cheated out of the "fun" ashleigh. 
So Christmas is right around the corner, Samuel is for sure getting extra spoiled this year.  I don't know why I have such an obession with getting him so many material things.  I guess because the first few years after I had him were so hard, I couldn't give him all the things that I wanted to and it killed me.  I mean I know it's like he ever remembers that or would care if he did but as a mother I want to give my child everything in the world he desires.  So Christmas comes and I go crazy buying for him.  What can I say I love my baby and it fills my heart to the brim to see him smile.  Well until next time, much love ♥